Emmental...it's baaaack!
Regular readers of this blog may recall a earlier posting which describes a contest of wills that I had with a package of Emmental cheese. After several futile attempts to open the fiendishly tough plastic packaging, I experienced cognitive meltdown and finally used brute force to get the cheese. In the end, like most endeavors that rely on aggression rather than logic, it was not worth it! The cheese tasted like rubber. I made the mistake of visiting the company’s web site and observed visually disturbing screen savers that continue to haunt my dreams. Well, not really, but I have not purchased that cheese again!
Read about that drama in detail here:
You can imagine how I felt when I went for a routine health checkup that resulted in a second surrealistic encounter with…Emmental!
I need more vitamin D
That’s how the incident began. A blood test showed that my calcium and vitamin D levels are low. That makes sense, I live in a northern European climate and always use sunscreen. Sunshine activates how our body produces vitamin D, and we also get this useful vitamin from food sources.
The French medical system kicked into action and I was sent to a specialist. The doctor’s office was on a quiet street in the trendy but laid-back 5th arrondissement and was set up much like a living room, except that one corner of the room had an exam table and a cabinet. This is not unusual in France, where you can sit on a comfy chair across from the doctor’s desk, which is often a nice antique wood style and pleasantly cluttered with papers, a vase of flowers or personal objects. In other doctor visits, I’ve seen a bowl of seashells, a hand painted egg on a little display, or in the case of my usual doctor, small handmade statues of hippos!
The appointment started on a positive and efficient note…then turned fateful…
The doctor was a small energetic women with dark hair swept on top of her head, cat-eye glasses and wearing a stylish dress and high heels. She studied my blood test results. She asked questions and then wrote detailed responses on a paper. Her conclusion was that I needed to eat two tranches (slices) of Emmental per day to balance my calcium and vitamin D levels. Satisfied, she began to move her papers in a neat pile and made body movements that our visit had concluded.
Just so you know, here’s what that amount of daily Emmental would set me back in terms of fat
2 slices (60 g)
Calorific value 900 kJ
Calories 215 kcal
Fat 17.4 g
Carbohydrates 0.3 g
Protein 16.8 g
So when I brought up the subject of fat and salt intake and not to mention cholesterol — the ultimate gooey nightmare, the doctor stared at me. The room suddenly seemed very quiet…even a bit tense. I blame most of that on the unwelcome presence of Emmental, but let me go on…
Aware that I was turning from a Patient into a Pest, I talked quickly. Why not calcium and vitamin D supplements? What about other foods that are rich in calcium?
The doctor listened to me, somewhat like a person who briefly pauses in their conversation because an ambulance is racing by with its siren blasting. When I stopped making ‘noise’, she looked at me intently. “You refuse to eat cheese,” she said in a very matter-of-fact way and then made careful, concise notes on her paper again.
- Thanks to Emmental, I am documented as a ‘cheese-hater’ in the French health system
Unfairly branded as a cheese-hater!
Mais non!! I made a feeble response that I love cheese, all kinds of cheeses…but it was too late. The doctor noted my comments with an ominous finality. My dislike of Emmental is now recorded in the French medical system and coded on the chip in my health card. My combative relationship with Emmental is probably even discussed during long lunch hours at L’Elysée, where government officials endlessly debate the role of immigration and what it really means to ‘be French’.
So, there you have the latest update on Emmental. Back at home, my husband tried to console me by saying that he would buy some Mont d’Or instead…it’s the right season for this rich, creamy, stinky cheese. Learn more about Mont d’Or here, including the history (in English).
The Media section of this Mont d’Or site has photos of friendly cows, smiling people, flowers and a recipe where you put the cheese into the oven and transform it into a salty, high-fat, bacteria-laden version of hot lava. But I like the photos of Mont d’Or in front of a cheerful and cozy fireplace. This is a lot more appealing to my senses and almost makes me forget my ongoing grudge match with Emmental. Now if only I could forget about the cholesterol.
No end in sight?
Freddy Krueger...!
I can’t say with certainty that this will be my last posting about Emmental. Like a Hollywood movie, there might be sequels…remember Freddy Krueger from the classic horror movie “Nightmare on Elm Street”? Yikes! Now there’s a guy who even LOOKS like Emmental cheese. How many sequels were made to that movie anyway? I can think of at least six? I remember being freaking terrified in the first few versions.
There’s a new sequel to this movie due to come out in April 2010. Check out the trailer…what do you think, is it as scary as the earlier movies?
But to return to Emmental…frankly, I don’t think there is an end in sight to my ever-escalating drama. It’s one of the most popular cheeses in France and I feel out-numbered. The only possible hope may be contained in the pages of this book…
“Cheese problems solved”
Edited by P L H McSweeney, University College Cork, Ireland
Woodhead Food Series No. 147
“…will be well received not only by the readers from the cheese manufacturing camp, but also by students of dairy science and technology programs.” International Dairy Journal
But what about people who are tormented by cheese? Could this book help me? SOS…Mr or Ms McSweeney, if you’re out there somewhere, please respond.
Until the next episode, stay alert, and become a Follower of this blog!
On a slightly more intellectual note: Here’s an interesting article about the nutritional value of dairy products made from low-fat versus whole milk:
http://whfoods.org/genpage.php?tname=faq&dbid=43#faqdiscussion
